


Spill the Tea, Sis

by QQI25



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-13 09:32:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16890024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QQI25/pseuds/QQI25
Summary: Tony opens "Unbreakable", a new bar for sups, and Peter works as a bartender there.Based off a tumblr post by symbiote-spideypool





	1. Peter

**Author's Note:**

> i _said_ i wld name w memes nd i did  
> i'm naming the chps based on whose pov it is just in case it's unclear

It’s Tony’s newest project, Unbreakable. It’s also a perfect way for Peter to get the tea and a job. What _it_ is exactly is a bar. More specifically, a bar for superheroes and vigilantes alike to have a space where they can just release their steam as well as converse with people who actually understand their predicament. Peter’s still paranoid about letting other people know his identity, so he works as a bartender as Peter Parker. 

Tony offers the job, in fact. One day when Peter’s working with him in the lab, he just starts talking about this new project. 

“So you know how that one time some sups got in a drunken brawl and it ended up destroying a bank, pet shelter, and a fuckton of apartments? Well I’ve decided that I’m tired of paying all costs out of pocket. Not that it’s an inconvenience financially but. Anyway, I’ve decided I’ll make a bar. It’ll be lowkey, advertised more word-by-mouth than any other way, so that it’s mostly sups. It’ll be Hulk-proof and fireproof and bulletproof yadda yadda yadda. Good idea? Bad idea? I’m just kidding. I know it’s good.” Peter nods encouragingly, because he knows with Tony, these things aren’t ever really fully jokes. 

“Soooo basically it’s a bar that’s unbreakable?” Tony points at him.

“That! Is a great name for the bar, Pete.” Oh yeah. And Peter had a hand in naming it. “Yeah, and I need a bartender, seeing as it’s a bar. Someone I know won’t break by the first touch from a sup. You up for the job?”

“Does it pay?” Tony scoffs.

“Does it pay? Does it pay, he asks. Uh, yeah, boy wonder. Who do you think I am?” 

“Sold. I’ll take the job. It’s perfect. I was just thinking of getting another job to help with bills.” Tony shakes his head pityingly. 

“I’ve told you. I’ll pay everything.” 

“No, no. What you pay me is more than enough.” Tony exaggeratedly looks up and pretends to be doing the math, pointing first to his upper left then to his upper right and Peter snorts. 

“Shut up.” Tony holds up his arms in surrender.

“Didn’t say anything,” Tony says innocently. “Enough about that. I’ll tell you when it opens. I might even ask you to come check it out earlier than that to verify design elements and whatnot.” Peter salutes him. 

“You got it, boss.” 

So yeah. Peter’s a bartender now. It’s not bad. It’s not bad at all. Knowing these are supers - or sups as Tony calls them - allows him to loosen up a little more and talk in a way that’s different from the way he talks to civilians he’s trying to shield his identity from. Here, they know him as Tony’s favourite intern, a highly intelligent person who works alongside supers. Here, even though he still doesn’t reveal his identity, he can loosen up a little. 

They treat him great. Knowing Tony trusts him means them trusting him means he gets to hear all the gossip they have to share with each other. He gets to hear about when things go to shit, when people have beef with each other, when people have extremely good days, all kinds of things. It’s a really entertaining way to spend his night, much favoured over the alternative, which is staying at home alone. Since they all think he’s powerless besides his building tech for supers, they’re also really protective of him. He spots them trailing behind him at times, and honestly, he doesn’t mind at all. It’s nice to know someone’s watching your back. 

Then this “new guy” comes in: Deadpool. Spider-Man knows him well from their patrols together; Peter Parker doesn’t. So he gets to know Wade as Peter. He also flirts with Wade. A lot. Like, right from the beginning. When Wade takes a seat at the bar, Peter immediately goes to stand in front of him. 

“Hey hottie. Wanna know what’s on the menu tonight? There’s a special.”

“Oh cool. What’s the special?”

“Me an’ you.” He winks. 

“Damn baby boy. You’re so good-lookin’ I forgot my line.” 

“That happen often?” 

“Only with you.” 

The other patrons catch on quickly. They ask him about Wade when he’s gone. They wink at him when Wade walks in and give the two of them space. So Peter starts getting more suggestive. 

“Kissing is a language of love, so how about a conversation between you and me?” and “Is that a mirror in your pocket? ‘Cause I can see myself in your pants.” 

They get a laugh, but not more than that. 

He’s gone with the most obvious and desperate-sounding “There’s a big sale in my bedroom; clothes are 100% off!” And even _that_ just got a laugh. It’s the most obvious Peter could be, and he’s starting to wonder if Wade just isn’t as interested in Peter Parker as he is in Spider-Man. 

On top of the stress of not knowing if he and Wade are on the same page, there’s Johnny fucking Storm. And Johnny’s pretty decent, except for the fact that when he found out Peter was working at Unbreakable, Johnny decided he’d go for the sole purpose of pestering Peter. As bartender, Peter’s technically the only person allowed behind the bar, but everyone knows pretty much everyone, so no one gives a fuck that Johnny winds up there too. He puts his arm around Peter often, leaning close to tease him about Wade. Peter just scowls. 

And then Wade stops showing up. It’s weird, because the day that Johnny shows up is the day that Wade doesn’t. It goes on for at least a week, which means he’s probably on a mission or something, but Peter feels off, like something’s missing. It’s Wade, he realises; _Wade’s_ missing, and it’s throwing his whole schedule off balance. The good thing is that Johnny’s there, which means his mind focuses on Johnny instead of Wade. 

Wade finally shows up again close to two weeks after his disappearance, and Peter immediately waves him over upon spotting him. Wade sits down at the bar.

“Hey! Where’ve you been? A mission? I’ve missed you!”

“Aww, you missed me, Petey? Yeah, it was something like that.”

“Well, while you were away, we got a new addition to the menu. I know how you’re always complaining about not being able to stay drunk. This drink is ‘specially made so that those who are immune to being drunk, like you, can actually stay drunk. Notice Cap over there, in the corner? Your fave. He’s telling stories about his days in the army. They keep getting drinks from him. 

“Cap’s not my fave,” Wade says with a soft smile. “It’s Spidey.” Peter feels his cheeks warm up. 

“Oh. Uh. Well, d’you wanna try the new drink?” 

“Fuck it. Sure. Why not?” 

It’s nice to see his friend let loose and relaxing, but letting loose soon turns into wallowing. Wade Wilson is a sad drunk, which isn’t surprising, considering the shit he regularly bottles up. 

“I’ve been avoiding you,” Wade admits. “I saw - last time I came I saw Johnny fucking Storm behind the bar - which I’ve never seen anyone do besides you - and his arm was _around you_ and he looked like he was telling you secrets and of _course_ you were just fucking around with the pick-up lines - I bet you say them to like, everyone - because _no one_ in their right mind would wanna _ac_ tually go out with me right because I’m a fucking _mess_ right, except there’s only two people that might _ac_ tually wanna go out with me though I don’t get it and it’s you and Spidey, Petey. It’s you and Spidey and I don’t get it why you guys would want that because you’re just both so much cooler than me and maybe I’ll give you a try but you’re a civ and I don’t wanna get you involved in any of my shit because there are a _lot_ of people after me and so maybe I’ll give _Spidey_ a try but he doesn’t like telling anyone who he is and I don’t wanna pressure him into anything so I don’t know what to do because I don’t wanna - there’s just shit going on with both of you and it’s stopping me from making a move. ‘Cept the other day, right? It was wild because the _oth_ er day I saw you and _Johnny_ and of _course_ because he’s not so fucked up as me and I got _mad_ and _jealous_ and _sad_ which wasn’t fair but then I stopped coming and I _lied_ to you and let you believe I was on a mission but I _was_ n’t and I was _lying_.” Wade stops, out of steam. Peter doesn’t know what to say, so he just hops over the bar, because with everyone over by Cap, no one’s really there to serve except Wade anyway. 

“Hey. You want a hug?”

“Do I _ev_ er,” Wade slurs, arms reaching out. Peter steps into them, wrapping his own arms around Wade. Wade’s head is nestled on his shoulder and it’s actually really nice; it’s comforting and warm. 

“Thanks Petey,” Wade says, voice thick. 

“Welcome,” he murmurs in response. It gets quiet and he realises that _fuck_ , Wade fell asleep. He wonders when the last time Wade slept was, and whether he sleeps well. He gets the attention of a patron who knows how to make all the drinks (it happens when you’re a curious regular who tries everything), and they wink at him and wave him off. He’s glad they can’t tell Wade is unconscious, because he doesn’t feel like dealing with that whole situation. Still, just in case people are watching, he throws Wade’s arm over his shoulders and his own arm around Wade’s waist. But most of Wade’s weight is supported by Peter so it’s not a pain and it’s not all that different from if he were flat out carrying Wade. 

When they arrive at Peter’s place, he sets Wade down on his own bed. He makes sure to stay close, doing homework at his desk, because he knows Wade would probably freak out waking up in a strange place. For this early of an hour, he feels surprisingly awake and productive right now, and miraculously finishes the remaining homework and reading he’d had. 

Wade does, indeed, wake up freaked out. He’s out of bed in a flash, gun in front of him and surveying his surroundings. He spots Peter, who’s got his arms up in surrender, and slumps over, putting his gun away. 

“Hey,” Peter says cautiously. Wade sighs. “You good?” Peter gets up and hugs him. 

“What - I . . . ,” Wade says falteringly. “What happened? I went to Unbreakable, and there was a new drink. I remember it was special, but that’s all I remember,” Wade recalls slowly. Peter coaxes Wade to sit back down on the bed with him. 

“It was special because it actually got people like you and Cap drunk for a while. You said some stuff; do you remember what? Do you want me to tell you?” Wade nods, so Peter continues. “You uh, you told me how you were avoiding me because you saw Johnny cuddling up to me - which, by the way, I would _not_ be in a relationship with - and how you feel like you only have a chance with Spider-Man and me. Except you wouldn’t let yourself because I’m a civ and Spider-Man’s protective of his identity, which is really sweet and thoughtful of you.”

“ . . . Fuck. And you let me ramble on about this bullshit?”

“Hey. Your feelings - whatever they are - are totally valid. It’s okay that you feel whatever way you feel. And I think we need to have a feelings jam. But I need to go to class first, so just. Stick around. Please? Help yourself to whatever food you find and I’ll be back in two hours. Also drink some water. Please. Bye, Wade. See you later. Hopefully.” He takes his backpack and leaves Wade to his own devices.


	2. Wade

Of course, leaving Wade to his own devices means he’s _gotta_ snoop around. He feels kinda bad; Peter _is_ a friend after all (maybe hopefully more than that). But it’s like a safety thing. Gotta know who his friends are (a weird concept, having friends) and all that. 

Peter the bartender is, simply put, a massive nerd. He’s got all his school textbooks and shit, and what electronics he can afford. There’s also comics and regular books and DVDs and video games. The thing that most sparks Wade’s interest is all the pictures of Spider-Man. Seems that one of his favourite people is a big fan of his other favourite person. The kitchen is pathetic, really. It’s pretty much empty, besides the water boiler and packets of ramen. Not much there. 

The bedroom door, though, is closed, and it’s like it _sings_ to Wade. It’s practically begging him to go in! Peter’s electronics in there are _way_ more advanced. He’s got lots of Stark Tech. Well, perks of being the bartender of Stark’s latest pet project, he guesses. And Peter’s various textbooks out in the living room hint at him being involved with engineering. The biggest surprise is not the tech though; there’s totally a hidden panel in the back of Peter’s closet. Who the fuck has a hidden panel besides people with deep, dark secrets? He pauses, then. Again, he considers Peter a friend (and maybe hopefully more than that), and discovering his biggest secret means their relationship gets fucked up. And then the bigger part of his brain says _fuck it_. So he opens it. No going back now. 

It’s _so_ much worse than he ever could’ve imagined. He’s now sitting on Peter’s bed, dumbfounded and holding the Spidey suit. Shit. Shit shit shit shit _shit_. A million years ago, when he and Spidey had started patrolling together, he’d pinky promised, solemnly sworn, crossed his heart and hoped to die that he wouldn’t try finding out who Spidey was. And now he’s gone and fuckin’ blown it up. Not only does it involve one of his favourite people, but _both_ of them. Well. His _on_ ly favourite person seeing as they’re the _same fucking person_? But. As long as they - he - doesn’t know, shit won’t go south. At least, that’s what Wade thinks. 

He puts everything back exactly how it was found, and leaves. He decides he’s going to get groceries and make pancakes for Peter, because it’s the least he could do after _snooping around and finding out his biggest secret_. And it’s fine. The breakfast (brunch?) is fine and his relationship with Peter is fine and everything is fine. He doesn’t even make Spidey-related jokes and puns just to fuck with Peter the bartender. In fact, he’s doing so well that of _course_ someone else has to come and muck it all up. 

It goes down like this: the Fantastic Four posts a “selfie” (it’s a group picture so it’s not a selfie and he totally doesn’t understand why but people still call it that so) of them at Unbreakable on Instagram and fucking _tags_ Dr. Doom and has a # wishyouwerehere. Who the fuck does that? Who the fuck. It’s supposed to be a hang out spot. A chill spot. An unwind spot. And they practically invite Dr. Doom. Wade can’t complain though, because it’s actually entertaining to watch and take part in. Regulars and doombots alike grab furniture and duke it out. Wade himself stands on top of the bar, laughing and pumping the bots full of lead. Peter’s hanging out behind/under the bar. Well, _was_. He decides to rescue _Frank, the Punisher,_ of all people, by aiming his webshooter at a bot in Frank’s blindspot. Wade catches him before he can, of course, and shoves him back down before going to take care of that bot himself. Frank grunts in acknowledgement and Wade feels honoured. 

When the fight’s over and it’s clean-up time and trying-to-pin-the-blame-on-someone time, Wade goes behind the bar to pour himself a drink. Peter gets up and leans against the bar next to him. 

“Can you drink on the job?” Wade asks, lifting a glass towards Peter. Peter straight up takes the whole fuckin’ bottle and takes a long swig. 

“So how long have you known?” Peter asks. Wade had known it was gonna come and looks down, suddenly very interested in the dirty, dirty bar top and the oily surface of it. He traces patterns in it, and is simultaneously disgusted and pleased to see that he can actually _see_ the dicks he’s drawn. Peter clears his throat and Wade sighs.

“Okay, fine. It was when I got drunk and passed out and you took me back to your apartment and then left me alone. Which - in my defense, you should’ve known better than to do that.” Peter’s not amused. 

“So have you told anyone?” 

“Oh _no_ of course not. I would never, never, never, _ever_ dream of doing that. Spidey’s my goddamn _he_ ro and I would never wanna do anything to betray a friend.”

“Ah. So you wouldn’t, say, betray a friend’s trust by snooping through their stuff?” Wade doesn’t say anything. There’s nothing _to_ say. And then Peter shrugs.

“Oh well. I was gonna tell you e _ven_ tually, and this takes the anxiety out of planning where and when and as who. Plus, I kind of have a huge ass crush on you both as Spidey and as Peter?”

“Sorry, Peter,” Wade says meekly and sincerely. He’s too focused on remedying this that he doesn’t even really consciously register that Peter kind of totally confessed his love. 

“I’ll forgive you on one condition.”

“Done,” Wade says, immediately.

“I’ll forgive you if you take me out for dinner sometime.” 

“Yep. Of course. Easy peasy. Well. I gotta go now! Got a dinner to plan!”

“Bye, Wade.”

“Bye Petey.” 

He curses himself as he walks out the door because it finally clicks that Peter has a “huge ass crush” on him and maybe probably wants this to be a date. What the fuck? This is _not_ easy peasy. Not easy peasy. Where the fuck do you take the love of your life on a first date?


	3. Peter

Peter’s getting worried again. And it has to do with Wade. Again. Wow, he’s starting to see familiar patterns. The problem is this: Peter feels like he’s scared Wade off. First, he, himself, seemed disappointed. Which he was. A little. He’d trusted Wade enough to leave him alone. But anyway, second, he confessed he had a huge ass crush both as Spidey _and_ as Peter. Third, he’d basically ordered that Wade take him out on a date. And Wade had practically run out the door. They hadn’t even had their fucking feelings jam because Wade had made pancakes and Peter had gotten dis _tract_ ed by them. Which, he now knows, also distracted Wade, but from his guilt. 

So yeah. He’s pretty sure he’s fucked things up with Wade. It’s not even just Peter the bartender he avoids! _Spider-Man_ also hasn’t seen him for a week now. He sulks. Of course he does. The bar’s boring again. Patrol’s boring again. His life’s boring again. For what feels like the millionth time, he goes home disappointed.

There’s something . . . different about home. He can just sense it. When he enters, the lights are still off, but off in the kitchen there seems to be some lights on. He tenses and approaches carefully. He’s not even in his Spidey suit, so hopefully it turns out okay. What he thinks is his lights is, he quickly sees, candles. There’s candles on his tiny table, and two sets of silverware the way they wrap them up in restaurants. At the stove he finds one Wade Wilson who turns around upon hearing him and smiles.

“Hey Petey. Sorry; I would’ve played music, but I didn’t wanna spoil the surprise by having you find me out right away before even walking in.” 

“The lights gave your presence away,” Peter replies absently. “What is all this?”

“Your dinner? I was racking my brain to think of a place I could take you to on a first date, and decided y’know, what with me rummaging through your shit and breaking your trust I could rewrite this place with a good memory between us. Y’know?” 

“I - that’s really sweet, but I look like _shit_ and I smell like the bar,” Peter says, caught off guard and laughing. 

“That’s the point, Petey Pie. That way our first date won’t have set the standards so high that everything after would be letting us down!”

“Got me there.”

“Course! I’m smart.” Wade puffs his chest out proudly and Peter smiles fondly. 

“That you are, that you are.” 

“Shall we get this date started then? Food’s ready.” 

“Yeah let me just put away my shit.” Wade brings the plated food to the table and Peter puts his outerwear away. 

And so they sit down together at Peter’s tiny table and have their first date in a string of many.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sry abt the ending! i. cannot be arsed to write out a whole ass date


End file.
